haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
