I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
