Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
