I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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