Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
