i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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