Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
