My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
