I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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