He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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