I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
