wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
