some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
