i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
