I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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