note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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