Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
