I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
