trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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