I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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