On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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