dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
