Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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