Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
