I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
