we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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