you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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