I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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