I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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