Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
