I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
