sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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