i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
