Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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