So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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