I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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