The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
