I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
be right there i have to get my cape
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
