Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
