yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
