the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
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