i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
