Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
