brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
