Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dick very happy bro
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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