I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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