she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
