this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
