wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
