Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
