He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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