if you like me you must not know who I am
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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