fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
