fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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