i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
